He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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