Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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