Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
