That's intense
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize