apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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