dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I faked an abortion last night.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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