please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
