Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize