Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
