im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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