hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize