i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize