i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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