I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
