I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
