you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
