I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
