I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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