Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
