My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
