Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Terrible idea I love it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
