We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
