Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
