I think im going to throw up on grandma
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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