dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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