Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
