Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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