I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
smell my finger.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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