Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
