I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize