Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
