I love black thongs
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
