At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
