Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
