Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
