Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
