Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
try to milk me bitch
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
