I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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