The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
