the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize