I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
