Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
