Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
