Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
