what is it with giant penises always finding me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
