I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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