my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
