There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
