Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I fill condoms, not promises.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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