Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
