I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
