Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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