...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
