Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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