I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
