Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
