oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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