Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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