I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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