oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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