im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
