Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
